ON NAME DROPPING
by Robert Runté

I am not normally a name dropper.

Okay, I admit that's mostly because I don't know anyone whose name is big enough to drop. References to most of the people I know would simply float over the heads of my listeners as non sequitors, so there's no point really.

(I have a relative who does this a lot. She'll say, "Have you heard? The Pattersons are buying a new car. A Toyota!?" And I'll think, who the hell are the Pattersons? But I don't get to ask, because she's already on to telling me about the Richardly family in the next breath. I've never met these people, have frankly no interest in meeting them, but I get to hear all about their inconsequential comings and goings because it's simply never occurred to her that the big wheels in her local congregation aren't universally known and loved. )

But even on those rare occasions when I have a brush with greatness, I don't really know how to capitalize on it properly. For example, I was once invited to supper with sf author, Roger Zelazny, and would try to casually work his name into conversation with sf fans at every opportunity for the next two weeks, but about the best I could manage was to say something like, "Yeah, Zelazny made that same point at supper the other night." Hardly subtle at all.

Now in contrast, one of my associates would typically have waited until the conversation wasn't even on sf and then said something like, "Yes, Roger had that same trouble with his plumbing and fixed it pouring a bottle of Brand X down it." The trick here is that not only does she imply that she's on close enough terms with him that she's beyond "when's your next book coming out" and into the "how's your plumbing" kind of relationship, but because you aren't expecting the context to include sf authors, you have to ask, "Roger who?" and THEN she gets to supply the "Zelazny" with the air of: "well, gosh, I call him 'Roger' because we're such GOOD friends and everyone I know knows him well enough to call him 'Roger' and we all talk to him so frequently that whenever any of us say 'Roger', we of course mean 'Roger Zelazny', and I'm sorry that I totally forgot that you don't move in those sorts of circles and consequently don't know him well enough to think of him as anything other than 'Mr. Zelazny, Sir.'" Which is really quite a lot to fit into an air, but she seems to manage it.

Anyway, this time I got to have supper with the Big Name too, and when she said "Roger", I got to say, "Oh, Roge! Gosh yes, Roge would say that, wouldn't he!" right back at her.